Saturday, October 3, 2009

With This Ring...

You know the rest of the line. I have been thinking alot about those lines lately as I look at the wedding rings on my hand. The vows say "Until death do us part." I got news for who ever wrote those words...they ain't true.

This may come off like a rant, so bear with me. I still feel married! It is a horrifying thought to even contemplate taking off my wedding rings. Do other widows wonder about this? Are we supposed to take off the rings? The answer, I believe, is to do what ever feels right for you.

My wedding rings have been with me so long they are like a part of me. My husband's wedding band resides on my index finger just across from my own. he put it there "for safe keeping" just before he went in for a surgical procedure. It has been there ever since. Remove it? Not on your life!

For me, they are a comfort. Others may view them differently, so I say, "to each their own." If you want to leave your rings on for now, for a few months, or for the rest of your life, that is your decision and your's alone. No one can tell you what is "right or proper" on this situation, because it is different for everyone.

If and when the rings come off, it will be when I am ready, or if I ever am. If you have looked at your rings and wondered what is the right thing to do about them, leave them right where they are. If you have to ask,"Should they come off" then you aren't ready to answer that question just yet.

Things have to come in our own way, when we are ready. For me, I am not ready, nor do I think I will be for a very long time. For others, it may be different. The point is, it is each individual's decision to make. There is no politically correct length of time to leave your wedding rings on, and even if there was, who cares?

The word "Widow" is just a label. It is how each person feels inside that counts. My heart and soul still feels married, even though I must use the word widow now when I fill out paperwork. Those of you who now have to check that hateful little box know what I mean. Widow...I detest that word, I'd rather stick with "With this ring..."


  1. I agree. My dad wore his ring for 13 years after my mom died and would still wear it if he didn't have health issues now.

    No one should dictate to you when and how you feel or do something.

    Take care of yourself.

  2. I can't imagine how awful it would be to lose my husband. If it were me, I'm sure I'd be just like you, that wedding ring welded to my finger. I hope that you are able to find some peace through writing, and in sharing your feelings, knowing that you are not only helping yourself, but others in the same situation as you. Best of luck to you.

    Teri S.