Starting a Whole New Life with No Choice…

"I hope these post give you some peace or comfort, or at least lets you know that you are not alone. There are many widows out there that know exactly what you are feeling and thinking. Together we can go on...one step at a time."

Once the funeral or Memorial Service is over, most all of the family and friends go back to their busy lives, not much has really changed for them accept being able to seeing the person from time to time. When the deceased person is your spouse, you have nothing to return to…your life is not now, or will it ever be the same again.

Your home, your routine, your very existence has changed. You feel lost, even in familiar surroundings. Your home is the same, but it’s different. You’ll never sit down to the dinner table with him again, you will never lay beside him as he snores away at night. You’ll never have long conversations late into the night.

Most widows will tell you that it is the comfort and companionship of having him there that they miss the most. Just the mere thought of knowing someone is there with you while you eat, sleep or watch TV makes you feel safe and comfortable and that has been suddenly taken from you.

Though friends may insist it is not true, even social relationships change. Some friends will stay away simply because they don’t know what to say or do for you. Others will hover and try to do everything until you are both annoyed with each other.

It’s not that they are doing anything wrong, it’s basically that they don’t understand what you are going through, or how you really feel or what you need. Then again, how could they when you don’t understand it all yourself?

When you are used to going out with other couples, they will continue to ask you. I get that it feels strange to go out as the third wheel, but they won’t understand why you keep declining invitations. I have turned down invitations with family and friends just because it felt so strange to be there alone. I was used to being a “couple” and was not comfortable as a “single” so I chose not to go.

It is hard to try to go on and have some kind of life after the one you are used to totally vanishes. Someone once told me something that has stuck with me all of these years…It’s like losing a jacket that you have had forever. 

You loved that jacket and it fit perfectly. No other jacket will ever replace that one, but you can get a new, different jacket. It will never replace your old one, but you will come to like the new one too….it’ll just take awhile.

I hope these post give you some peace or comfort, or at least lets you know that you are not alone. There are many widows out there that know exactly what you are feeling and thinking. Together we can go on...one step at a time.